Marge Schott Goes to College

Dateline November 10, 2009, from somewhere up north…..

In an expected move today the “Marge Schott” of the Municipal League, Ms. Catie Bettendorf announced today that the hoops and hurdles of The University of Minnesota at Duluth would prove challenging enough without having to manage the Mariland Monroes. Bettendorf, who won the league championship two years ago, has asked her cousin, Aaron Morris, to co-own the team. Realizing that Mr. Morris is a huge Cubs fan, and knowing how the Cubs suck in the Municipal League just as much in real life, Ms. Bettendorf has laid down some co-ownership rules: The team name and home field (Coors) must not change. The keepers absolutely must include Joe DiMaggio, Sliding Billy Hamilton, Mike Schmidt, and The Babe. The co-owner is also told to continue to draft players with “girly” names such as Pink, Granny, Cupid, and Baby Doll. This “girly-man” strategy will also be evident when the new co-owner picks any Cubs players.

Mr. Morris is excited about the opportunity to join in the league. Hailing from Park Rapids, he will feel right at home with teams from Hackensack, Little Falls, and Pequot Lakes. Mr. Morris has just finished his rookie season as head coach of the Park Rapids Panthers football team. While witnessing his team’s season conclude on a cold, rainy, and windy field in Perham, he thought to himself, “winter baseball indoors…it can’t get any better than that.” The new co-owner hopes to be in attendance at the draft, but he does have obligations in Iowa that weekend. Perhaps the Iowa Cubs tickets are going on sale and he wants to be first in line. Should be a short line.